TTC...the backstory.

I am very content with my life. I have the most wonderful husband in the entire world. He is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my hand to hold, my strength in times of weakness, my purpose in life when I feel I have none. I have a small number of friends, but they are the greatest friends you could ask for. I have a job I love, with people I love and respect. I have a family who knows what it means to be a family. I have all of this, and I am indescribably grateful for it all. But there is still a giant emptiness that I have never been able to fill. An emptiness so large it can only be filled by a tiny little miracle.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mommy. While other's dreamed of going to school to be doctors, lawyers, nurses, etc, I wanted to be a housewife and a mother of 12 kids. (I have greatly reduced the desired number of children since then, fyi.) Now here I am, 31 years old, with no children. To make a long story a little bit shorter, I will just say that thus far it has been a long journey with many bumps and twists and turns. My husband and I have been trying for several years now. We've had multiple miscarriages, many failed attempts, been poked and prodded and tested. I've undergone at least 4 surgeries with the ultimate goal being that I would be able to conceive a child. Still no luck.

After our last M/C in 2010, we took a little break. Emotionally and physically I needed to regroup. My faith has been tried and tested many times throughout this ordeal, but I needed to step back and gain some perspective. I was beginning to get angry at God for not allowing me to have what I wanted. But I am thankful to say, that after many countless nights of soul-searching, talking to Josh, praying, whatever it took, I have reached a point where I am ready to try again. This time, however, I am going in with the knowledge and understanding that it may not be God's will for me to be a mom. And if that's the case, I will accept it. But I will continue to pursue this for as long as there is a glimmer of hope for our family.

Preface...

So for much of my life, I have never really felt that I had anything interesting enough going on in my life that other people would care to read about it. I'm not sure that the case has changed too much, but the current journey I am on with my beloved hubby is one that I wish I could share with others who are familiar. Currently, I have a very, very small support group and while the quality is great, I still wish I knew somebody who was going through the same thing and could share in my joys, sorrows, hopes, disappointments, etc. So maybe by making my experiences semi-public, I can be that person for someone else :)

Leave days 1-4

So Joshua has been on leave for 4 days now. We haven't done anything extremely adventurous, but we have had some good times. We started out with a get-together with our friends Bailey and Tyrone and their family. Please be sure to look at the pics, as this was probably my one and only victory at Monopoly. But oh what a victory it was! I was quite proud :) The evening was quite enjoyable, and I couldn't stop thinking about how I sometimes felt as though that day would never come, when both of our husbands were home with us and all was right with the world. Such a blissful feeling, really. I don't think I can even begin to describe it.

We headed home on Monday afternoon, and spent the majority of the rest of the day just getting stuff done around the house, and then enjoying dinner and a movie together.

Tuesday started out with Josh attempting to change the headlight in my car. I am not sure how many times I heard the phrase "stupid german engineering", but I know that it was several, lol. He ended up going to a friend's house for assistance, and then locking the keys in the car. He got a ride home to get the spare key, only to find out that it wouldn't work for some reason. We ended up calling triple A to "rescue" him. After finally getting back into the car, they finished with the headlight and then Josh came home. We decided that our dog, MaryJane needed to get out of the house, so we took a ride to the dog park. Aside from being rather cold, we had a lot of fun. We also managed to catch a beautiful sunset while we were there (pic below).

Today we spent the morning at the doctor for Josh. He has been sick, and after waiting two weeks, we decided to make an appointment. Apparently the doctor just likes to make guesses, as he gave him several different "possibilities", medicated him for 3 of them, and then said to come back in a week. Hmmmm. We then spent the rest of the day in search of a truck. This is the one thing that my hubby has wanted for as long as I can remember, and so we decided that upon his return from Iraq, he would be able to get one. We have a few possibilities, and are going to look at one in about an hour. Keep your fingers crossed!

Amongst the pics below I have included a few that I just took about 10 minutes ago. I went to look out the back window and there stood two deer, not more than 10 feet from me! It was such a beautiful sight, I had to snap a few pics. As I said, nothing overly exciting, but we are enjoying every second we have together. Also in the plans for the upcoming weeks are a hiking trip complete with a picnic lunch, and a day of tubing at dry hill, which hopefully we can arrange to have a couple of friends join us on. (hint hint Bailey and fam ;) ).

Our fearless warriors :)






MaryJane and Tyrone

The side with all the $$ is mine

Beautiful sky from Tuesday evening


Me and Josh

Mary Jane

She got tired of playing fetch, so she ate the stick, lol

The deer

"Block Leave" or "30 days of happy"

So I created this blog quite some time ago (May or June, I think), but have yet to post anything real substantial. After some *ahem* subtle prodding by a friend, I have decided to make an honest effort to begin posting on a regular basis. This past Sunday started the beginning of my hubby's block leave. Oh yes! My hubby has made it home. Yes, I should have blogged about that much sooner, but in all fairness, I was otherwise engaged! It is safe to say that I wasn't even on this planet for several days. But now I have come back down to earth, where I spend much of my time nestled in the arms of the one and only Josh Davis :).

So with block leave having started 3 days ago, I was thinking maybe I would just try to write a little bit each day about what we are doing with all of this much needed time together.

Also, before block leave began, we went on a retreat which the army paid for. A "reintegration retreat" they call it. After sitting through several boring briefings, I did manage to find some time for some pictures, so it wasn't all bad.

The Hotel:

The View from our room:

Goofing around:

My favorite Pic:

Josh after shoving 9 quepapas in his mouth. See his eyes watering?

So above all, we had a pretty good time. There was swimming, and sightseeing, and hanging out with friends. We even went to a nightclub.

Bailey said I have to, lol.

Ok Bailey... Here it is! Now are you happy? Lol.

tagged
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Nothing that I can think of at the moment.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't think I made any last year, but this year I am just focusing on always being thankful and looking for the positive in every situation.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My sister in law

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, a few actually

5. What countries did you visit? I went to Canada once or twice

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Josh home

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?There were a few...the birth of my nephew, my surgery, Josh coming home for R&R


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Surviving

9. What was your biggest failure? Well, I had intended to do several things while Josh was deployed, most of which didn't get accomplished, so I think I just had several little failures, no big ones :)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no

11. What was the best thing you bought? My laptop I guess. It has been the key to being able to stay in contact with my honey :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm gonna have to agree with Bailey and say My husband and the way he has handled this deployment

13. Where did most of your money go? Wal-Mart!!

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The year being over, so Josh would be home soon!

15. What song will always remind you of 2008? When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne,Lucky by Jason Mraz, and several others.

16. Compared to this time last year, you are? Feeling much better; mentally, physically, emotionally...Josh will be home soon!

17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spending time with Josh, if I'd had a choice; and working.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of? nothing. I mean, I wish I had spent less time doing nothing, and spent more time accomplishing something. I feel like a more or less wasted an entire year.

19. How did you spend Christmas? Dinner at the mother in laws, and then home. Josh did get to watch us open presents on the webcam though, which was kinda nice.

20. What was your favorite TV program? ok, I love love love WWE, and also all of the CSI's, and Law and Order's, and eleventh hour

21. What was the best book you read? Didn't read much

22. What was your greatest musical discovery? If I have to pick something, I would say Jason Mraz

23. What did you want and ended up getting? I wanted to have my surgery, which finally happened in September.

24. What was your favorite film of this year? I only saw one or two new movies this year, nothing that really stands out.

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 28, and for the life of me I can't remember what I did. I think its possible that I did absolutely nothing.

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my husband home

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? casual

28. What kept you sane? Who said I stayed sane?

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Well, if you consider pro wrestlers to be celebrities, then I would have to say Jeff and Matt Hardy, lol.

31. Who was the best new person you met? My boss at Liberty Tax, Jen, was really awesome. If I wasn't moving I would definitely go back there and work! I think she may have been the only new person I met in 2008

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:Make the most of everyday, because tomorrow isn't promised; Don't waste time feeling bad for yourself, somebody else always has it worse.

33. Who would you like to see respond to this (and would most likely do it)? Well Bailey already posted it, so probably nobody, lol.

Briefly...

So normally I don't post because I don't feel that there is anything in my life that other people would care to hear about. But lately, I 've been too busy to post! I just wanted to make a brief note on the fact that my husband has no more than 190 days left in Baghdad. Whats even better, is that he may actually have less than 150 days!! Woo Hoo!! I am so excited, I just can't even describe it! Also, we have R&R coming up soon, most likely mid-October. I will post more later, gotta run for now.

Welcome little Ayden

Well, he is finally here. My nephew, Ayden Joshua; born July 17th; 7lbs 9 oz; 21 inches long.