TTC...the backstory.

I am very content with my life. I have the most wonderful husband in the entire world. He is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my hand to hold, my strength in times of weakness, my purpose in life when I feel I have none. I have a small number of friends, but they are the greatest friends you could ask for. I have a job I love, with people I love and respect. I have a family who knows what it means to be a family. I have all of this, and I am indescribably grateful for it all. But there is still a giant emptiness that I have never been able to fill. An emptiness so large it can only be filled by a tiny little miracle.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mommy. While other's dreamed of going to school to be doctors, lawyers, nurses, etc, I wanted to be a housewife and a mother of 12 kids. (I have greatly reduced the desired number of children since then, fyi.) Now here I am, 31 years old, with no children. To make a long story a little bit shorter, I will just say that thus far it has been a long journey with many bumps and twists and turns. My husband and I have been trying for several years now. We've had multiple miscarriages, many failed attempts, been poked and prodded and tested. I've undergone at least 4 surgeries with the ultimate goal being that I would be able to conceive a child. Still no luck.

After our last M/C in 2010, we took a little break. Emotionally and physically I needed to regroup. My faith has been tried and tested many times throughout this ordeal, but I needed to step back and gain some perspective. I was beginning to get angry at God for not allowing me to have what I wanted. But I am thankful to say, that after many countless nights of soul-searching, talking to Josh, praying, whatever it took, I have reached a point where I am ready to try again. This time, however, I am going in with the knowledge and understanding that it may not be God's will for me to be a mom. And if that's the case, I will accept it. But I will continue to pursue this for as long as there is a glimmer of hope for our family.

Preface...

So for much of my life, I have never really felt that I had anything interesting enough going on in my life that other people would care to read about it. I'm not sure that the case has changed too much, but the current journey I am on with my beloved hubby is one that I wish I could share with others who are familiar. Currently, I have a very, very small support group and while the quality is great, I still wish I knew somebody who was going through the same thing and could share in my joys, sorrows, hopes, disappointments, etc. So maybe by making my experiences semi-public, I can be that person for someone else :)